Dr. Joan Lachkar: Powerful Woman, Crushed Wife – Spousal Emotional Abuse Of High-Functioning Women


We high-functioning women run the risk of convincing ourselves we can manage anything! No matter what the situation, we’re strong enough, smart enough, brave enough — even when it comes to living with cruelty. Yes, granted, our marriage approaches nightmarish. But wait — aren’t we clever enough to cover it up? God knows we’re smart enough to find ingenious ways to deal with his emotional abuse. Plus, isn’t knowing what’s going on the real point?

Well, the joke may be on us. Emotional Abuse — the intangible, invisible, secretive abuse perpetrated by our husbands — can eventuate into the thorough destruction of our Spirit. In addition to inflicting emotional and mental agonies such as depression, traumatization, anxieties and phobias, emotional abuse is often manifested by physiological illness, as our bodies break down from years of maltreatment and neglect.

Even when we think of ending the marriage, self-reproach can beset and de-rail us. How Can This Happen to Me? I’m a Professional! may race across your mind. Or, Whatever will my family and friends think of me, once they know the ugly truth?

As today’s Guest Expert, Dr. Joan Lachkar shares, spousal emotional abuse of high-functioning women is far more common than many imagine. And though you do your best to ‘fix’ things, to micromanage, to stay strong despite his cruelties, when your husband is emotionally abusive, the most important relationship in your life is actually your most destructive relationship.


Joan Lachkar Ph.D. is a psychotherapist and psychohistorian in private practice in Brentwood and Tarzana California. She is the author of numerous books and publications including The Many Faces of Abuse: Treating the Emotional Abuse of High-Functioning Women; The “V” Spot: Healing Your Innermost Vulnerabilities from Emotional Abuse; The Narcissistic/Borderline Couple: New Approaches to Marital Therapy (2ND Edition); How to Talk to a Narcissist; and the soon to be published How to Talk to a Borderline. An affiliate member and instructor at the New Center for Psychoanalysis, Dr. Lachkar is on the editorial board of the Journal of Emotional Abuse.

Dr. Lachkar offers insight to women who suffer from emotional abuse, helps alleviate not only their pain but their shame, and works with her clients to define solutions to their plight. She is available for consultation online as well as in person. Her website is www.joanlachkarphd.com and you may write her at jlachkar@aol.com.